Because really, do I have anything better to be doing right now?
10. Tiny tiny tiny wire framed glasses.
The people who wears these ruin their faces. Really. Please, these don't help to hide the fact that you need glasses. We can allll see them. If you want to wear something discreet, they're called contacts, okay?
9. Nude Pantyhose
Again with the discreet thing. Just shave and moisturize, okay? Or wear opaque or black. It's much classier.
8. High-Heeled Flip Flops
FLIP!SCREEECH. FLIP!SCREEEEECH. That is the deafening sounds these make as you shuffle-scrap down the sidewalk. I shudder. Flip-Flops are meant to be worn at the beach, in the backyard, or if you have a dresser pair, then to the grocery store or mall. Please, PLEASE do not think a heel makes it dressy-occasion OK. It doesn't.
7. Cropped Hoodies
Are you in a dancing troupe? Are you really proud of your rock hard abs? Great! Now put a real shirt on! : D
6. Cargo Pants/Camo Gear
If you're in the army-- I totally understand. You definitely need all that pocket space for whatever you guys carry around. If you live in L.A. -- WTF? What are you even carrying in there? All you've done to yourself successfully, is make your thighs look ginourmous. NEXT.
5. Playboy Paraphernalia
Unless you actually ARE a Playboy bunny. Then go for it. Shake what your Momma gave you, girl. Have fun being a sexual object! For the rest of you preteens sporting this logo: STOP. It's not making anyone think you're older or sexier.
4. Drug Shirts
I'm not denying I've smoked pot. I am not denying you the power to smoke your pot. Just... can we not advertise it? Can we just keep it like, a cool, insiders secret? I'm talking to you 15 year old boys with your Nirvana/Iron Maiden/Metallica obessions.
3. Belly Chains
BELLY DANCERS ONLY.
2. Furry/Puffy/Quilted/High-Heeled Blinged-Out crazy-ass 'Winter' Boots.
Yeah that means you Baby Phat-o-philes. Come live in -35 with me in Canada in those things.
1. Small Cartoon Backpacks
Die trend, Die! DIE! High School kids! Yeah! You! This isn't ironic anymore! It stopped being ironic the second HotTopic started selling them. You're not unique in your Transformers backpack or your Emily the Strange fanny pouch. Okay. Breathe. Okay. This trend will die. It will die.
I've done almost everything on this list at least once. So guess what-- I'm saving you the headache of having to do it too.
10. Tiny tiny tiny wire framed glasses.
The people who wears these ruin their faces. Really. Please, these don't help to hide the fact that you need glasses. We can allll see them. If you want to wear something discreet, they're called contacts, okay?
9. Nude Pantyhose
Again with the discreet thing. Just shave and moisturize, okay? Or wear opaque or black. It's much classier.8. High-Heeled Flip Flops
FLIP!SCREEECH. FLIP!SCREEEEECH. That is the deafening sounds these make as you shuffle-scrap down the sidewalk. I shudder. Flip-Flops are meant to be worn at the beach, in the backyard, or if you have a dresser pair, then to the grocery store or mall. Please, PLEASE do not think a heel makes it dressy-occasion OK. It doesn't.7. Cropped Hoodies
Are you in a dancing troupe? Are you really proud of your rock hard abs? Great! Now put a real shirt on! : D
6. Cargo Pants/Camo Gear
If you're in the army-- I totally understand. You definitely need all that pocket space for whatever you guys carry around. If you live in L.A. -- WTF? What are you even carrying in there? All you've done to yourself successfully, is make your thighs look ginourmous. NEXT.
5. Playboy Paraphernalia
Unless you actually ARE a Playboy bunny. Then go for it. Shake what your Momma gave you, girl. Have fun being a sexual object! For the rest of you preteens sporting this logo: STOP. It's not making anyone think you're older or sexier.4. Drug Shirts
I'm not denying I've smoked pot. I am not denying you the power to smoke your pot. Just... can we not advertise it? Can we just keep it like, a cool, insiders secret? I'm talking to you 15 year old boys with your Nirvana/Iron Maiden/Metallica obessions.
3. Belly Chains
BELLY DANCERS ONLY.
2. Furry/Puffy/Quilted/High-Heeled Blinged-Out crazy-ass 'Winter' Boots.
Yeah that means you Baby Phat-o-philes. Come live in -35 with me in Canada in those things.
1. Small Cartoon Backpacks
Die trend, Die! DIE! High School kids! Yeah! You! This isn't ironic anymore! It stopped being ironic the second HotTopic started selling them. You're not unique in your Transformers backpack or your Emily the Strange fanny pouch. Okay. Breathe. Okay. This trend will die. It will die.
I've done almost everything on this list at least once. So guess what-- I'm saving you the headache of having to do it too.
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