Some kind of introduction/ The Retail Voice

Hi, I'm Charmaine.

Most people call me Charmaine.

I'm still determined to get a better nickname. I mean, it's on my list of top 10 (right before 'marry Ewan McGregor' and directly after 'buy toilet paper').

I work for a semi-respectable chain of shoe stores located in Western Canada. We cater to those bold enough to request hand-to-foot contact, shoe polishing, and ass-kissing. (In other words, everything in the store is over 100 dollars).

Over the last year and a half I've developed some time-tested theories about people, the shoe business, and retail in general. God save the internet for letting me have a blog. Seriously. This could get ugly. Or really boring.

Which brings me to my first re-tale. I call it ...

The Retail Voice.

Any slave to the min-wage will tell you about the voice. Some of us have perfected it's powers to near in-human qualities. The Retail Voice can be subtle, or full out, unabashed irritating glory. For me, it's in the middle. I irritate myself, more than anyone else, when I use it.

Everyone's Voice is different. Mine, for example, is a combination of 'please buy 5 pairs of Uggs so I can claim my meager 2% commish' and 'HI HOW ARE YOU TODAY! I JUST HAD A LITRE OF PURE CAFFEINE!'. Naturally I have a very low-toned voice. My brother likens it to 'a 16 year old boy. Just after puberty-- but not quite manly yet'. My Retail Voice is about 7 octaves above the human range, and into buyer territory. It's like calling a dog with a silent whistle.

'HI! Are you finding everything okay? I like your purse!'

Is my usual opening line. Sometimes I change it up and throw in a 'how's the weather' or 'cute glasses!'. Buyers love the Voice. It's like honey. It's like, 'wow what a polite min-wage worker!'.

Little do they know. I am completely evil. I want them to buy everything in my store, AND order in a few pairs to boot. No pun intended.

In summation: Watch out for the Voice, buyers. They all use it. If you find yourself immediately attracted to a retail worker, you've probably been hit with the classic Honey Drip Compliment Bee, or even the How YOU doin'. Both great examples of how we, the min-wage retailers, divorce you from your money.